The other night Joel and I were sitting on his back porch talking about life together. While we were sitting there starring up at the stars I had a fear in my heart that I had kept supressing all this week. I think it is a fear that many post-grads have.
What if I am not doing what I was made to do?
I graduated university having no clue what to do next. I tend to be passionate about many things. When I have a cause before me I fully immerse myself in studying and finding ways to help. I never knew how all the things I love could fit into my life and work though.
How can a girl who dreams of being a worship leader fight human trafficking and care for the forgotten of society?
And now having been trained in South Africa to spread the Gospel I work in a popsicle shop in downtown Dallas. It makes sense that every once in a while I get this terrifying thought that I am not where I’m supposed to be, right? I think that Satan likes to keep us quiet in our fear. It’s a way of keeping us trapped while we strive to go about our daily lives pretending all is well. For the most part it is.
On the drive home I started thinking about other people my age and even people younger and older still trying to figure life out. We are all on a journey through life. It is a journey with unexpected twists and turns through dark tunnels and over mountain tops. It is okay to be afraid at times. It’s not something to keep hidden from myself or others.
This morning during my time with God, I opened up my Bible to Psalm 138. At the end of this Psalm is a beautiful verse that breathed life into my fearful heart. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;” That is not a “maybe” or an “if I do everything right.” That is a confident assurance that God will fulfill that which he has started in me. David goes on to say that, “your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Throughout Scripture God reveals his character to us. He is loving. He is a shephered. He is a good Father.
I don’t have to live with a fear in my heart that maybe I am not where I should be or am not fulfilling my purpose. God is leading me. And life is a crazy adventure through hills and valleys to foreign lands until I arrive home with my Savior.So maybe right now I have a random job making popsicles in a part of town I had never been, but even there God promises that He “will fulfill his purpose for me.” May we live each day with a confident assurance of this.
Love well,
Janelle